One of the toughest choices you may ever make will be whether or not to put a loved one who needs constant care into a nursing home facility. It’s an emotionally draining, scary and often traumatic experience- just ask anyone who has had to do it. Selecting the right nursing home for your family member requires research, a lot of question asking and patience. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions. Don’t be afraid to shop around. And if anything makes you feel uneasy- move on!

Rule #1 for nursing home hunting is to do it before you actually need one. Do it now when your loved one can give their input; when you are all feeling cool, calm and collected. When you wait until your loved one is under duress, seriously ill or otherwise it’s not the best time to remember to ask all your questions and get the valuable answers you need to feel secure in your decision.

The cost of nursing home care is another source of stress for most families. Learn ahead of time what Medicare or private insurance covers and what the gaps might be so you can have your loved-ones estate plan setup to handle the costs. You should also realize that Medicare does not pay for what’s called “custodial care”, that includes: help with walking, eating, bathing and other daily activities. The average cost of nursing home care is $200-$300/day. And that doesn’t include whatever additional fees you may face in situations of Alzheimer’s of dementia when additional specialty staff and care is required.

Do your research! The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services collect valuable data on over 15,000 nursing homes cross-country. The data includes health inspection, staffing and a measure of the quality of care all combined to score each facility with an overall ranking from one to five stars. Additionally, the site offers a nursing home compare tool as well as a brochure titled “Medicare’s Guide to choosing a Nursing Home” for each facility.

Visit the home often, and at different times. Similar to when you are house hunting and want to check out the neighborhood different days of the week and times of the day- choosing a nursing home is the same way. Pop in to see if the experience feels different. Pay attention to patients looking for help, bad smells, or anything else that feels neglectful or just not right.

And take the checklist from the nursing home compare website with you so after you’ve toured each facility you can sit down as a family and discuss your findings together; carefully weighing the pros and cons of each facility. Also, bring your own list of questions along. Some questions to ask include: Do you engage in “person-centered care” as well as “consistent assignment” care? Ask what the daily schedule is, visiting hours, security of the building, activities or classes offered, and eat the food while you’re there. All of these things should weigh into your final decision.

If you are looking for help in California, try the California Elder Law Center. For access to a free clinic to learn more, we offer them every Wed at 2pm or for additional information please call (888-500-6700).